Saddest One Yet...

So I just came back from my vacation at Pampanga. I expected it to be fun and exciting like before. It was sort of boring. Even Christmas was boring. Although we had a dance party it was...not as fun as before. Basically everything was boring. The only fun I got out of it was those nights when I got drunk and those mornings when I had hangovers.

That's all I thought that was gonna happen...until things went a little out of hand. I thought it was over and I thought I completely erased every single feeling I had for him but I guess I thought wrong. I kind of feel stupid writing this is my blog but...it is my blog so what the heck.

How come there are people who come and go in our lives but there some who plan to stay...unintentionally. They just do. And no matter how much you want them to leave they just don't. It's so annoying...but you know deep inside you'd rather have them stay than let them go. How come??? Why can't they just leave so you could live in peace? Why do they say they don't want to hurt you when in fact they are hurting you already by just saying that?

I'd never forget that night when I spoke to him. I'd never forget what he said to me. I can't believe I'm falling for him all over again. The thing is...I can't. I shouldn't love him...I don't wanna love him. I guess NeYo and Rihanna's song fits perfectly: Hate That I Love You.


[Rihanna:]
As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I cant stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

[Ne-Yo:]
You wont let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forgive (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

[Rihanna:]
But I hate...
You know exactly what to do
So that I cant stay mad at you
For too long thats wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I dont want to fuss..
and fight no more
Said I despise that i adore you

[Rihanna:]
And i hate how much i love you boy (yeah...)
I cant stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..)
But I just cant let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

[Ne-Yo:]
You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Said its not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I..will be under reason why
And it just aint right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I cant stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just cant let you go
But I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic wont affect me
And your kiss wont make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Ne-Yo:]
Yeaahhh... Oohh...

[Rihanna:]
As much i love you (as much as I need you)
As much as I need you (oooh..)
As much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

[Rihanna:]
And I hate that i love you soooo
And I hate how much i love you boy
I cant stand how much I need ya (cant stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just cant let you go (but I just cant let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so
And I hate that I love you so.. soo.....


I asked him to simply look me in the eye and tell me he didn't love me...but he said the opposite, which made things worse. It's happening all over again. He's in better hands with her than me. I guess I should just step down and forget about him.

I hate how much I'm in love with him...this vacation is definitely the saddest one yet...

I can't get you out of my mind....