Damn HYPOCRITES

what the hell is wrong with the people around me? it's like everything i tell them is wrong even when its right. she doesn't have the right to tell me what to do and how to act. she doesn't even know how i act! when i want to smile. when i wat cry or when i want to just kill someone.

eh ano ngayon kung lagi ako galit??? did you ever think that just being next to you makes my blood boil? how the hell am i gonna be happy when you keep ranting and biting my neck all the time? since you think you know all the answers go ahead and tell me how!

when you do something wrong its like all hell will break loose. but when she makes a mistake, even if its a really big mistake, its like nothing happened at all and she'll still blame me for it even if she was the stupid one who did it.

she keeps on saying she's such a great person how much she's changed. but in fact nothing happened at all. she didn't change. she's so freaking boastful. she thinks she's so great for being like this and like that even thiugh she's not. it's so annoying. especially when she picks everyone but herself. GRRRR!!!!!!

she even said that she only guides my life and its my choice. blah blah BLAH!!!!
are you crazy???? you're controlling my effing life and i hate it

damn it... i can't wait to have my own life. and leave all of you. i can finally be myself with no restrictions.

if you can't accept who i am then why bother at all???

The L Word

Valentines day just passed...another year of watching hopelessly in love couples walk by.

Am I bitter? Maybe I am...Maybe I'm not. But who cares? Maybe it's because of plans that were never committed to, promises that were made and then broken, hearts that were restored only to be shattered again. So yes, I AM BITTER. I am fully aware that every word i type here is dripping with bitterness.

Love...love..love...that's what everybody keeps saying. Love is in the air, can't you feel it? Can't you see those little hearts floating everywhere? Well what i can see is me popping every single one of them. I'm not sure if they even know what it really means...I'm not even sure if anyone knows it at all. But what I'm sure of is that there is one person who clearly does not know the meaning of that word. That person doesn't even know when to say it.

I'm sure that mostly everyone can relate to this: YOU CANNOT LOVE TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME. Of course I'm talking about romantic love here...loving both your parents, friends, or whatever doesn't count. Unless it is incest, which i hope isn't.

I just don't get how somebody can tell you they love you when they also admit to loving another. Then that isn't love...it's more of "LIKING THAT PERSON OR PERSONS" and sometimes even "LUST"

okay seriously, i don't even know why I'm writing this blog. maybe i just want to release these thoughts I've kept hidden for a while now....I can here the voices around me say it.

bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter.bitter

READ THIS

i just find it so pathetic that you'd google yourself everyday or even have the audacity to google my name. are you that desperate?! are you just so full of yourself?!

well since you want to read my blog...go ahead. read it. I DON'T CARE.

do you think that will threaten me, that it would make me a coward and that i would back down on a fight? well then, NEWSFLASH, i don't think so...

you can read my blog all you want. you can read everything i write about you. read every single word that i write just for you. i just hope that your brain can register that they're meant for you...

i hate you and that's that...it will never change...hate...despise...loathe...
those words are perfect for you...

I miss those days...

a poem i wrote...out of the blue
am i really that pathetic to have written this?
or am i just a terribly and utterly sad, depressed girl?


I miss those days when we were fine,
When I was yours and you were mine

I miss those days you held me tight,
You kept me close all through the night

I miss those days you wiped my tears,
You drove away all my doubts and fears

I miss those days you whispered my name,
And I was reassured you felt the same

I miss those days I’ve been with you,
I miss your voice, your touch,
Your kiss, warmth and love
Those ideal moments I thought were true

But then again what I miss the most,
Is you, yourself, and nothing else comes close…

I miss those days we spent together,
When you used to promise me,
It would last forever…

Tonight I Can Write

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


practically everyone wrote a blog about this...it's funny isn't it? it's amazing how simple words can leave a great impact on us. probably...everyone who had their heart broken can relate to this. it's sad thing...love...you just don't know what to do with or without it. truly, it's complicated. no person could ever find the right words to it.

it's so peculiar that a simple i love you can make your day...

and what's even more peculiar is that by simply adding one more word, it can completely destroy you. all that's left is pain...cold, ruthless, shattering pain... at times you think you can no longer survive. you reminisce the wonderful memories you had and all the more you feel the pain stabbing at your heart...breaking it into a million pieces...



Love...such a fickle thing...it's amzaing how it affects us all.

Immobilized...

last nov. 13 a freak accident occured...ok now i'm sounding like a reporter..anyway
i twisted my knee again and moved my kneecap out of place..yipee!!! hooray for me...
can my life get any worse???

me and my clumsy self...first things first...it wasn't because of over excitement...(don't believe what other people tell you...especially when they are such...nevermind)

so i have a lot of things to cross of my list...intrams...outbound...and much more..hopefully not the upcoming retreat...hopefully.

so after three weeks i'll have this stupid immobilizer removed and if i can walk properly without pain i'm fine...and if not...say hello to the MRI. if they find a tear in any of my ligaments...well hello operating room as well and bye bye to everything i was planning to do...

all i wanna do is stand close to you...

i'm sad...utterly and undeniably depressed
i must admitt...this was the shortest time i could handle it...
it's hard to miss someone who doesn't miss you back
and it hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back...
but i don't know why i keep on holding on to the impossible
when i know that i'd only end up hurt and confused
i let go of the others for this
but how am i supposed to let go of this one
when this made me forget about it all
how do you forget someone who made you forget about everything else?

i've been through this a thousand times
how come i can't move on through this one?
why do i keep looking back with hope in my eyes
when i know that it's never gonna happen
every word, song, expression cuts me deep
but i still hold on to it as if the pain is nothing
even if i'm already bleeding i still hold on to it
no matter how much it hurts
i'd rather get hurt while it's with me than lose it and get hurt twice as much

you can call me stupid but i don't care
you can call me blind i don't give a damn

hanging on by thread...i just can't seem to let go
even though i know i won't get anything back
here i am...still waiting
even though i'm waiting for nothing...