all i wanna do is stand close to you...

i'm sad...utterly and undeniably depressed
i must admitt...this was the shortest time i could handle it...
it's hard to miss someone who doesn't miss you back
and it hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back...
but i don't know why i keep on holding on to the impossible
when i know that i'd only end up hurt and confused
i let go of the others for this
but how am i supposed to let go of this one
when this made me forget about it all
how do you forget someone who made you forget about everything else?

i've been through this a thousand times
how come i can't move on through this one?
why do i keep looking back with hope in my eyes
when i know that it's never gonna happen
every word, song, expression cuts me deep
but i still hold on to it as if the pain is nothing
even if i'm already bleeding i still hold on to it
no matter how much it hurts
i'd rather get hurt while it's with me than lose it and get hurt twice as much

you can call me stupid but i don't care
you can call me blind i don't give a damn

hanging on by thread...i just can't seem to let go
even though i know i won't get anything back
here i am...still waiting
even though i'm waiting for nothing...

i tried...i really did

it's been only 3 days since the last time...but i really can't handle it. i always get these emotional breakdowns. i don't care if everyone reads this now...i just need to let it out. damn.

i tried to forget...i really did...but it just too hard. i can't erase those damn memories. it seems that everytime i try to forget the memories just flood back to me. i just can't take it anymore. but i can't do anything at all...nothing...except cry...cry...CRY!!!

all i can do is cry until my tears run dry. but even if they do...the pain is still there. it will never go away. and it seems that nothing can take it away. nothing at all...

why? why is this happening? all because of one thing...one stupid and crazy thing that shouldn't have started in the first place...damn!

Lolah D Just called me...

it was an unexpected phone call. I was seriously expecting it to be "him" but when i picked up the phone it was none other that Lolah D. At first I was scared. i didn't know what she wanted to talk about. Then I figured maybe it was when she saw me crying this morning. It turns out I was right. She asked me what happened and I told her it had something to do with my family.

I was really touched when she started to give me advice. she seemed so interested. she even talked about her grandchildren. I never expected that having a heart-to-heart with mrs. dacutan would actually be interesting...and it was on the phone! I now have newly found phonepal!

MIGHTY BOND AFTERMATH

Ok... After I read aira's blog in multi (you guys better read it) i felt like writing this. It's really annoying when people keep on pissing you off. It just is! It's irritating and I hate the fact that they are simply just malicious lies created by everyone's stupid imagination! When will this madness end?!

I will say this words right now and I hope I will never have to reeat this. I AM NOT IN LOVE, OR WAS IN LOVE WITH AIRA PALMA. I AM NOT, WAS OR EVEN WILL BE BISEXUAL. I'M STRAIGHT AND THAT'S THAT! Do you guys get the picture?! Or maybe I have to spell it out for you guys? Trust me, it won't be nice...you haven't seen me angry yet. When i have tantrums, that's just a glimpse of it but i tell you, YOU HAVEN'T seen me angry yet!

You already saw me cry yesterday. And i hate crying about nonsense things but you already made me feel so infuriated! It's just irritating. How would you feel if others did that to you? Sure it may be a joke to you guys, but to us, it isn't. It's not nice. You don't know how awkward it feels.

I just want to thank those few people who actually care about how we feel and know when to stop...

and to aira...i'm sorry for this nonsense stuff and i wish they would finally end.

Sweet 16

it was great...i had two celebrations. one was on Sept. 1 with Janine and May at ice cream house. the food was great. it was perfect...especially their floats...it's heaven! i can't wait to go back there...

the second one was last Sept. 6 with Ana, Aira, Raz, Tanya and Steph. we had so much fun. we ate at Bubba Gump. I practically force fed everyone to finish the food. hahaha...raz said i had food enough for the army. hahaha. We ate so much shrimp...hahaha...we all said we weren't having shrimp for a year...TRAUMATIZED BY THE SHRIMP...

aira had to go home early...but it was okay since she did come after all...(thanks!) so we met up with steph and tried on gowns at landmark for the mythology thing...we saw this guy (gay?) with an enormous hat! it was so freakin big!

well anyway...then we went to DQ...raz and i have new names...you may call us, REZ and YABBI...stupid cashier...hahaha
the tanya followed...she finished my ice cream...hahahaha..

i had so much fun...although a lot weren't able to come, it was still a super fun day.

Mythology and a Surprise

so today we found out who would be our charcaters for the dramatic monologue. I got Eris, the goddess of discord. I was so happy. i wanted that character so much. Thanks to bes...for exchanging with me...i was supposed to be the furies...but i like eris so much...

she was the one who started the trojan war...all because of the golden apple.


anyway...aves surpised me today while i was monitoring the staircase. she gave me a box of milk tea for my birthday (although she was 4 days ahead)...hahaha

i love you so much aves!

END OF THE FIRST QUARTER OF HELL

finally exams are over...i'm free at last...

but that just means another quarter is about to start...so another cycle of hell is coming our way
ugh...i'm so tired.

anyway, after exams i went to macy's house to finish our media arts project. it turned out good. although there were a little bit of flaws but it still came out good. i'm proud of our group.

then i met some of macy's friends. and for the first time i finally have a friend from claret (i know...) and i met his cousin from the states. finally, someone i can relate to. a fellow fil-am...hahaha.... we were conversing in english and he was so funny cause he had this sort of dry sarcasm. i had a pretty good time at their place. they were really friendly.


now...here's the freaky part of my story. i left their place at about 6:15 and we waited for a taxi until 7 when i finally got one. and the driver was really creepy. first he asked what school i was from. of course he guessed it was stc. then he asked what year i was in. i lied and said i was in 2nd year (good thing he didn't see my patch). then he asked how old i was and i said i was 14....god the lies kept on going. he really creeped me out when he asked if i had a boyfriend. i said no. then he told me about some of his passengers. (some were of the same sex) who practically swapped saliva with each other in the back seat. god....weird much. and then he said that he interviewed some of his passengers from various schools and he found out they weren't virgins anymore.

i don't even know why he told me that...it was seriously freaky. and what annoyed me most was the traffic. we were stuck there for an hour. he was nice enough though to let me pay half of the fare and just ride a jeepney the rest of the way....

this was a really freaky day...